Bah Humbug Christmas Countdown day 21

Today’s atrocities come right out of my experiences –

The first occurred at a local port of commerce of the dollar or less variety packed full of the usual and the unusual Christmas shoppers all hustling and bustling and squabbling over gifts. Ill feelings ran high and people were visibly on edge. There was a far amount of swearing, kid smacking, and the other usual signs of irritation.

In the line about three ahead of me was a quiet older black gentleman. He had only two items in his cart, both less than a dollar, and he was digging in his pockets one after the other and counting his change. 

Finally he looked at his two items –both food items of the poorest sort and reluctantly took one out of the cart and put it aside.

So between his body language and his dress and where we were what logic suggested was an older man, single or widow, no cellphones or gadgets, no wallet, probably of the poorer classes buying his evening meal…and having to forego some of it at that.

So I handed him back item no#2 and a dollar bill and wished him a Merry Christmas.

He thanked me, bought his supper and left.

The atrocity lies in the response of the other people in line. A whispered “n*ggerl*ver” from a fat lady with a very full cart. A woman who pushed a young child behind her to my left. A man in an expensive leather jacket and snake skin boots who left the line for another. A sudden stoppage in all conversation. And a sudden empty patch all around me.

So what the hell, guys? What am I missing here?

Was the problem the gentleman’s color? The whispered word suggests it was for one lady. And how wrong is that? I can’t stand prejudice. It’s not really that I place a value judgment on it, it’s just that it’s stupid. Race is relative as any white person who has ever visited Africa (or Harlem, for that matter) can tell you. And almost all of us are mongrel breeds at this point. I’m a half-breed myself, Cuban American – but I almost never think of myself as Cuban, White, or even American. I am just me.

Or was the problem simply the act itself? A random act of kindness in a sea of greedy squabbling? Did I make some of those people feel ashamed of themselves with their full carts and full bellies?

Or was there something else I was missing?

And I am not feeling terribly creative or funny today…

I am feeling badly hurt – the Aspie me is having social crises again, and what it boils down to is why do people have so much trouble just telling the f*cking truth? If you have a problem with me I’d rather you be honest than to blow smoke up my ass and tell me my underwear is on fire. I am currently in at least two relationships where I am pretty sure that the parties involved have serious issues with me but in one case the guy says absolutely nothing – just a blank silence; and in the other the female tells me I am the greatest thing since sliced bread but avoids all dinner invites or offers of chats, etc…

If you don’t like me tell me! Losers and hypocrites, come on! Why all the mind games, huh? Especially as you both know that as an autistic I am not equipped to deal with them?

BAH HUMBUG and f*ck you.